and downhill it goes .

i'm angry . i'm frustrated . i'm emotional . i'm a wreck .

i don't know if that's me pmsing, or that i have a lot of constrained emotions, but i am really feeling everything tenfold today.

first, let me talk about yesterday. and the day before. i haven't gotten any chances to blog!

yesterday, i ate too much. i had one 1/2 slices of pizza, some 60 calorie cheese, a good 260 calories in candy, a 270 calorie chocolate bar...need i go on?

and the day before yesterday, i ate another entire freaking bag of popcorn. i can't remember the rest - but it was bad . very, very bad.

oh, but today. today was, simply put, horrific.

there are 5 'popular' girls in our school . 3 concrete ones. let's call the leader of everything 'SA.' well, sa is supposedly perfect. she's cool, she's funny, she gets good marks, she's a hit with the teachers. a class A honour roll student.

everyone in my school has been friends since they were born. not joking here, people. so sa staked her claim early as queen of the school, and has kept it that way, thanks to her followers.

that brings me to SO. so is a stupid dunce, with absolutely no brain in that head of hers. at least not when she's around her idol, sa. otherwise, she's smart, funny, and very adorable.

then there is E. e is a slut. she may not dress like one, but she is a 100% dumb, uncaring, bitchy slut. care to call her that ? well, you'll be brutally hammered with abuse after verbal abuse .

there's also C, who is nice, (AMAZINGLY THIN!!) and also idolizes sa. there is B, who, unfortunately, is the stupidest person i have ever met, but also the nicest, the sweetest, kindest person on the planet. because of her low IQ, she isn't very relevant. sorry, B.):

there's also, finally, A. a is like me, I guess. she's into what i am, she's very artistic, and understands where i'm coming from. but everyone caves into that deceptive finger of popularity and attention sometimes, so today was her day.

my class went to playland. sa, so, E, B, A, C, and I, were all in a group. let me just say this - C, B, and i all HATE rollercoasters. and anything that drops your stomach . guess where the girls go?

yup . so they go on a nice, swinging, stomach dropping pirate ship. C, B and i all decide to get in line for a spinning ride. well, when we were just about to get on, sa, so, and E show up. they immediately gush at us, thanking us for holding their place in line. i'm sorry, what?

then they ditched us when they went on the wooden rollercoaster. we try to find them, and don't. so we do our own thing, up until noon. that's when we wonder where they are.

we go to get mini donuts (this is where i caved and binged) and they pass behind us. we, of course, didn't learn about that until much later, but they still did. by this time, they've hooked up with Q and G (two guys), and E is busy flirting with them, draping herself overtop of the two. they pass by behind us, not even bothering to say a simple hello, or where they're going to eat.

we spend the next hour looking for them. do we find them? no. but we get a series of texts saying where they supposedly are. 'we're at white spot!' oh, no, they aren't. we know because we looked in the entire place, shouting their names. 'sorry. we're actually on the grass, eating.' no they aren't, because they just left.

and later, when all is said and done, we find out that they have been on the wooden rollercoaster 3 times. taking pictures. and that they went on the flume (a water roller coaster, which IS one that i will go on) twice. they also bought pictures from there.

as we are leaving, i hear SA say that 'this is the best time i've ever had here, actually!'

it has happened. yet again, i've been thrown into the background. yet again, i've become the dreaded loser that no one cares about. and, yet again, i realize that me, the newcomer from five years back, will never be able to insert herself into a place that was never really there .

not to mention, i binged. i had ten mini donuts. half a bag of cotton candy. half a sno cone. and i've come to the conclusion that, where i am, i'm not one of the people who will ever be able to make a change, to make something different happen .

i am useless. i am unable to do anything.

i am stuck .